Conditions
by Bensler
Summary: Conditions are ripe for a lot of changes for SVU and Elliot and Olivia. Just what these conditions are and what changes they entail, remain to be seen. But as we all know, life can change for better or worse in the mere twinkling of an eye.
1. Delayed

**Conditions**

**By Bensler**

**Chapter 1 ~ Delayed**

**Baltimore/Washington Airport – Wednesday, December 23, 2009 – 7:12 p.m.**

The weather was atrocious. She was stuck in Baltimore, Maryland and all she wanted was to get home. It had been a long week at a national conference on Violence Against Women. The conference was open to the public Friday night, Saturday and Sunday, but the last three days had been for law enforcement personnel. She and her counterpart from the Brooklyn SVU were among the many speakers invited to share their experiences. The two detectives had cited the statistics of crimes against women and recounted a few of the personal stories of some of the victims they had met.

The departure time for her flight had been 5:20 p.m. yet here she sat in the airport waiting. The flight had already been delayed for almost two hours because of the high winds and now the speaker system crackled with a new announcement that it was now delayed indefinitely because of the sleet.

Detective Fran Jordan traded groans and grimaces with Olivia. She pulled her cell phone from her waist and looked over at her sister in blue. "I'm calling Janine to tell her we need a place crash. We'll catch a flight in the morning, okay?"

Olivia had met Janine, Fran's best friend from high school, two nights ago at dinner. She was a lot of fun and Olivia felt like she had known her forever. Her husband was an ER doctor who worked nights and their three kids were on their own or off at college so the big home was pretty empty now. She'd have plenty of room for them both.

Olivia pondered the invitation, but decided against it. "Uh…thanks, but I think I'm just going to wait it out. I _really_ want to get home," Olivia replied with a smile.

"You sure? Flying out doesn't sound very promising tonight ."

"Maybe, maybe not." She would take her chances. This was the first holiday in years she had someone special to spend it with and she was _not_ about to call him and change their plans for Christmas Eve.

Just a minute later Fran closed the phone. "Okay…one last time…you coming with me or staying?"

"Staying. You and Janine have fun. " Olivia stood as Fran picked up her coat and pulled her suitcase to her side.

"Can't say I blame you…if I had a hot guy like you have waiting on me, I'd want to get back, too."

"Shut up, Fran." Olivia teasingly shoved her shoulder. "I'll walk with you back to security."

Unable to find a seat in the crowded waiting area when she returned from walking Fran to security, Olivia stood at the window watching the blinking lights of various planes as they rolled slowly by. Though several were still sitting on the tarmac none were taking off or landing. As much as she hated waiting she was thankful she was inside and not stuck on a stuffy airplane cramped into a small seat.

It was time to call and let him know she was going to be later than expected.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself. You back?"

"No. Still in DC. Flight's been delayed indefinitely. Just wanted to let you know it

may be really late when I get in, so I'll just catch a taxi home."

"No, no. I don't care what time it is…you call me."

"I don't want to impose on you…"

"You won't be imposing."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I want to see you," he assured her.

"Really?" She knew he was being truthful, but she just needed to hear him say it again

" You have any idea how much I've missed you these last six days?"

She smiled at this because she knew exactly how he felt because she had missed him, too. "As a matter of fact, I think I do."

"That mean you missed me?"

"I don't think I even have to answer that, do I?"

His laugh was deep and warm. "I'll take that as resounding yes!"

They talked for several more minutes before hanging up.

After another hour passed Olivia had run out of patience. Not that she had much to start with anyway. She made her way to the restroom to use the facilities and freshen up. Then she followed her nose to Starbucks and got a hot tea and a couple of sugar cookies. Dragging her carry-on suitcase she began her trek back to the waiting area.

**Stabler Residence - Manhattan - Wednesday, December 23, 2009 – 11:31 p.m.**

As usual his sleep was fitful. Though it had been four months since he and Kathy split he just could not seem to get used to so much quiet. He had dozed off in the recliner watching a hockey game on ESPN. Though the volume was muted he was certain some sound had stirred him from his light sleep. He sat up and stretched, scrubbed his hands over his face and yawned. Then he heard it. Knocking. Someone was at his door. He glanced at clock over the dining table – 11:31. Not many people knew his new address. Not many people knew he and Kathy were divorced. If this were Olivia…

Making his way to the door, he shouted out, "Yeah, yeah. Who is it?"

"Elliot, open the door."

At the sound of the familiar voice, his heart was instantly in his throat. This was not good. He jerked the door open. "Captain?"

He stared at Donald Cragen, his wool coat, scarf and knit cap covered in a dusting of snow, his cheeks red from the cold. Cragen had never come to his house. In eleven years he could not remember one single time Cragen had come to his house like this – unannounced and uninvited.

In just a split second every scenario ran through his mind – one of the kids was in an accident; one of his girls had been raped; Rick had been shot; Eli had been kidnapped; Kathy was hurt. For some reason it never occurred to him that something had happened to the one other person whom he loved. Because he would not let his mind go there. Because she could _not_ be hurt; _nothing_ could happen to her. Not _now_.

"My kids? Kathy?" He was aware of how it hurt to breathe as he struggled to put his thoughts into words.

Cragen was shaking his head. "They're fine."

Confusion filled Elliot's features and his eyes narrowed as he looked at his commanding officer. "Then what? We got a case? You never …"

Cragen interrupted, "You know Olivia's flight number?"

Elliot frowned and started to say something, but then ran his hands over his head. "Why?"

"Do you know her flight number?" The captain's voice was gruff and the words clipped.

"Yeah, it's…uh…uh…" Suddenly his mind went blank. He had the number memorized earlier. Why couldn't he think of it now? Why'd the captain want her flight number? Elliot stood there blinking at Captain Cragen.

"You have an itinerary?"

Elliot thought the captain should already have that information. "Don't you have all that?"

Cragen sighed deeply. "At work. I'm on my way to…uh…the…uh…Elliot, do you _know_ her flight number?"

Elliot went to the kitchen and rummaged through a stack of papers on the counter. "Here…it's 1359."

Cragen looked shell-shocked. "What?" Elliot demanded every sense now on high alert.

The lump in his throat blocked any words that might have otherwise found their way out of his mouth so instead, the captain made his way to the living room and picked up the remote to the television.

"Captain! Captain, what is it?" Elliot trailed behind him now deeply concerned.

Turning to channel 2, the scene that filled the screen was one of utter pandemonium and chaos. Flashing emergency lights of the fire engines, ambulances and police cars; the sounds of voices hollering commands and instructions; the cloud of smoke coming from the front end of an airplane. The words of the reporter registered only enough for Elliot to vaguely understand what had happened. His mind was shutting down in order to protect him. It simply would not make the connection to what he was seeing and hearing on the television to Olivia's flight. Even the continuous scrawl across the bottom of the screen made no sense.

The words of the reporter droned in his ears _– 'To recap this breaking story, Delta flight 1359 in route from Baltimore Washington International to LaGuardia has crashed along the banks of Flushing Bay. Details are still sketchy but NTSB officials already on the scene have said that weather is certainly a factor. The flight had been delayed for several hours due to high winds and freezing rain. No word as of yet concerning survivors or fatalities. Stay tuned for ongoing coverage. This is Dana Maxwell for WCBS-TV.'_

Racing heart, rapid breathing, tightness in his chest, nausea, perspiration – he must be having a heart attack. This could not be happening. This was not her flight. He had talked to her just a few hours ago. She was fine. She was coming home. To him. _Oh, dear God. Please…please, he prayed._

"Elliot, get dressed. We'll go to the site. Munch and Fin are covering the hospitals in case she's there."

Hospitals? In case she's there? Who's there? Olivia, he wondered? Like an automaton Elliot did as he was told. He dressed in no time flat and slipped on his gloves and hat as he followed Cragen out of the apartment building.

On the drive to the crash site each man was lost in his own thoughts and they rode in silence.

Elliot kept thinking about her – his partner. He envisioned her through the years – the rookie SVU detective determined to make it in a man's world. She was an experienced cop yet naïve when it came to the kinds of crimes the Special Victims Unit worked. She wanted to make a difference; help victims. She wanted to keep others from letting traumatic events from taking over their lives. In essence she hoped to give these victims back their lives.

He had been aggravated that he had been stuck with a female partner, but from the moment they met he sensed an odd connection with the dark haired, brown eyed woman. As time went on he saw her confidence and competence and he trusted her like he had trusted no one in his life. Ever. In a short time she had become the only one who seemed to get him, to understand the workings of his mind and emotions. She was not only his partner; she was his best friend. And recently they had been moving onto yet another level. If he lost her now…

Cragen could not get Olivia's smile out of his head. He remembered last Friday morning when she had come to his office to give him all the information about the conference and where she would be staying. He had joked with her that she better be home as soon as possible or she'd be speaking at the 'Violence Against Police Captains' conference because he wasn't at all sure how he was going to deal with Elliot while she was gone for nearly a week.

She had blushed at this comment and he told her not to be so shy. It was obvious something had changed between her and Elliot. When he told her it was about time the two of them came to their senses, her beautiful smile broke across her face and she seemed to glow. In spite of the circumstances now facing them, he grinned at the memory of her brilliant smile.

Then glancing at Elliot, his somber mood returned.

**LaGuardia Airport - Queens - Wednesday, December 24, 2009 – 12:40 a.m.**

Giving their names and flashing badges, Cragen and Elliot pushed through the crowd to find the lead NTSB agent. Elliot felt a smidgen of relief to hear the shrill of departing ambulances and to see there were survivors being tending to by EMTs. He scanned the scene hoping and praying that he would see Olivia.

Approaching the man they were told was in charge of the investigation, Cragen extended his hand as he spoke. "Captain Don Cragen, NYPD." He nodded toward Elliot, "Detective Elliot Stabler. His partner was on this flight. Anyway we can find out about her?"

"Jim Vandiver. Captain, Detective…I'm sorry but chances aren't real good that it will be a positive outcome. You sure you want to know?"

Cragen felt Elliot tense even more though he was already wound about as tight as possible. He reached out and put a hand on Elliot's shoulder. "Yes. We need to know."

Vandiver nodded and motioned them to follow him. He went to the back of a white van that had National Transportation Safety Board emblazoned in blue across it. Opening the door he reached for an accordion style folder, flipped through it and pulled out some papers that had been printed on banner style paper.

"What's her name?"

"Benson. Olivia Benson." Cragen answered as he cast a quick look at Elliot. His face was like stone but his eyes were in turmoil.

"Arnett, Axton, Bashinski, Belmont…here it is…Benson, Olivia. Seat 24A. She was supposed to be on here."

Elliot didn't miss the wording. "What do you mean _supposed_ to be?"

"This is just the passenger manifest stating who had reservations. It doesn't prove whether or not said passenger boarded."

Elliot felt a small measure of relief but wished he knew for sure. "When will you know for sure?"

"When they're finished doing the body count…" Vandiver's words trailed off.

Body count? Body count. Once again Elliot felt like he was having a heart attack. He stood there staring grimly at Vandiver, willing himself not to lose it and pass out.

Cragen asked, "How long will that take?"

"Not sure. Plane seats 110 and it was at capacity with Christmas and all. Come on. One of my men is keeping a list of victims that have been taken to surrounding hospitals."

They followed Jim Vandiver about a hundred feet to another van and waited as he talked with another man. When he came back to them the look on his face said everything. Elliot held his breath.

"Sorry…but Detective Benson is not listed as having been taken to a hospital."

"Maybe she lost her ID. Maybe she could say who she was. Do they have positive IDs on all those transported?" Cragen held out hope that somehow the worst had not happened.

"That I don't…" Vandiver began but was interrupted.

"Jim!" Two more agents were walking toward them. The shorter of the two was waving some papers. "Got an update on the passengers."

"Let's have it."

"Thirty-eight have been taken to area hospitals; fourteen are still being cared for onsite; Fifty-four are deceased and four are still unaccounted for and assumed to be in the bay."

No sooner had he spoken these words than shouts went up at the waters' edge. The taller man ran over to see what was going on. Minutes later he returned.

"They found four more bodies."

Vandiver looked at Cragen and Elliot. "You want to look over what we go to see if your detective is among them?"

Cragen swallowed hard and shot a glance at Elliot. He exuded tension. "Elliot?"

Elliot couldn't look at Cragen. If he did, he would know that Elliot would die without her; she gave him a reason to live. He would be restless without her; she was the only one who could calm his spirit. He couldn't do this job without her by his side because she was his strength. Without her, he would go crazy; for she was his stability.

Giving a slight nod, Elliot started toward the row of body bags, each step heavier; each step that much closer to his own insanity.

eoeoeoeoeo


	2. Desperation

**Chapter 2 ~ Desperation**

**LaGuardia Airport - Queens - Wednesday, December 24, 2009 – 12:58 a.m.**

The medical examiner's assistants pulled the zipper on the first body bag as Elliot's heart banged against his chest so hard it hurt. Cragen's face was pulled tight in apprehension, his brow creased and his mouth set in a straight line. The plastic was pulled back and both men breathed audible sighs of relief. For the next fifty-three bags, this scenario repeated itself.

"I'll call Munch. She's gotta be in a hospital," Cragen said as he opened his cell phone.

"If they'd found her, they'd have called. She's not there." The finality in Elliot's voice bothered Captain Cragen.

"We are not giving up until we find her." The captain was adamant about this.

"Uh…Captain, sir…" one the M.E. assistants spoke haltingly.

Elliot and Cragen looked over at him. "What is it?" Cragen asked.

"Several of the…uh…v-victims…they w-were…uh…they…uh…" he stammered and stuttered.

"They were what?" Elliot demanded taking a step closer to the young man.

"Th-they were b-burned…uh…a couple pretty bad," he explained.

"How bad?" Elliot's heart plummeted.

"Don't think their mamas would recognize them," he looked down and spoke softly.

Elliot felt the ground shift beneath him and he stumbled back against an ambulance still waiting for victims. The thought of Olivia burned sickened. Not because of the possible scars marring her beauty, but because of the pain. His mind raced back to Valerie Sennett and the agony she had endured after her husband soaked her with gasoline and set her afire. The sounds of her screams in the ER would forever be etched into the sound track of his mind. Valerie Sennett had died. He could not lose Olivia. It would make no difference to him how she might look. All he knew was that he would always love her. Always be by her side no matter what.

"Hang in there, son. We are not losing hope. Not yet." Cragen patted Elliot's shoulder then took him by the arm. "Come on. We'll check out the hospitals."

**NY Presbyterian Hospital Burn Center -December 24, 2009 – 2:02 a.m.**

Checking each of the three hospitals that victims had been sent to Cragen, Elliot, Munch and Fin stood waiting to see the last burn victim on the list. The nurse had gone to get permission from the doctor on call and now walked toward them with another woman in a white lab coat.

The woman smiled and spoke, "I'm Doctor Alvarez. I'm told you need to see the burn victim brought in from the plane crash. I'm afraid that won't be possible. She is in extremely critical condition. Perhaps there is another way I can help."

"You know who she is?" Fin asked.

Elliot was certain Olivia would have had her NYPD badge clipped to her belt, but it could have gotten ripped from her body in the aftermath of the crash.

"No ID was found on her person and no one has stepped up as family or friend."

Olivia had no family but she had plenty of friends, Elliot found himself thinking. And under the right conditions he would see to it that one of these she had a _real_ family.

"Can you give us any kind of description?" Cragen asked.

"Let me get her chart." She walked into one of the rooms directly in front of the men and returned with a color-coded file folder. "She is approximately early to mid 40s, 5'7"-5'8", 135 pounds, what little hair is left shoulder length, a dark chestnut brown with carmel highlights, a scar across her neck which is…"

The gasping sound that filled the room as he fell into one of the chairs that lined the wall caused all three remaining men to turn their attention on Elliot.

"You okay?" Munch asked as he took a seat next to his colleague.

Cragen felt as sick as Elliot looked, and he could not help but envision the scar on Olivia's neck from Gitano's knife wound, but he turned back to the doctor. "Do you have anything else?"

Dr. Alvarez stared at Elliot for a long few seconds then skimmed the chart. "The scar is most likely from a fairly recent thyroid surgery and she has green eyes and nearly perfect teeth.

"Thyroid surgery? She ain't had no…" Fin began.

"Green eyes? Green? Are you sure?" Elliot stood, suddenly full of life again.

"Positive."

Laughter spilled from Elliot. A deep, rich laughter that quickly turned to tears. "It's not her! It's not Liv! She has brown eyes! You hear me? She has brown…her eyes are…br-brown…not gr-green…" He fell back into the chair, put his face in his hands and cried with relief as his emotions overwhelmed him.

Cragen was puzzled. And thankful. So far none of the bodies belonged to Olivia. And that was good. Very good. But where was she? Is it possible they didn't recognize her at the scene?

Munch was looking over a printout in his hand. "Captain? I've checked off all the victims…but there are two more we haven't seen."

"Yeah, what hospital?" Fin took the paper from Munch and scanned it.

Several seconds ticked by and finally Cragen asked, "Well, where are they?"

Fin looked up at his captain, then met Munch's stare, looked at Elliot and back to the captain. "The morgue."

**I-95 Somewhere Between Baltimore & NYC -December 24, 2009 – 1:30 a.m.**

For most of the trip the roads had been fairly clear but now the snow was coming down in near whiteout conditions and it was becoming increasingly difficult to see the road. At times the spinning of the tires as they lost traction nearly made her lose control of the vehicle. Olivia could not remember when she had seen such a thick fall of snow. And being a resident of the city she certainly could not remember ever driving in a mess like this.

The rental car was a four-wheel drive Toyota Higlander and she had been assured that it would get her safely through snow, ice and slush. However, nothing about blizzards had been mentioned. The radio announced what she had already suspected - '_Vicious storms have turned an already harsh winter into an unexpected white Christmas and a nationwide nightmare for travelers across the plains and from Virginia to Maine.' _He continued saying that the forecast had been correct except for the fact that the cutoff for this heavy snow was to have been at least a hundred miles further south. Had that been the case Olivia would have already been home.

This was turning out to be a bad idea. Maybe she _should_ have listened to Fran and stayed at Janine's and just caught a flight in the morning. But, no. After using the restroom and getting something to drink and eat, impatient Olivia had made note of the car rental office on her way back to the waiting area. As another hour passed and turned into two, she had decided to rent a car and drive home. Maybe she should have just waited for the flight to be cleared for take-off. Now she checked the GPS and saw that she still had about thirty-five miles to go. Not long by normal standards but since she was now crawling along the interstate at 15-20 miles an hour it was going take much longer to get home.

She wished she had called Elliot before leaving the airport. The only reason she didn't is that she knew he would have talked her out of driving and all she wanted was to get back to him. Thirty minutes into her trip she decided to call him only to find her cell phone was dead and since she did not own a car the only charger she had was one for a regular outlet. She thought about stopping to call but these days it was nearly impossible to find a pay phone and a working one at that. Besides it was so late she figured he would be sound asleep and this way she could just surprise him.

With each mile she slowly put behind her, tension crept across her shoulders and up her neck. She had not counted on such dangerous weather and her inexperience driving in it was causing her to worry about her ability to continue her trip. The snow was almost like a blanket descending upon her and she really could not see much of anything but occasional car lights. Caution took over and she decided she would get off on the next exit and find a hotel.

The signs for it must not have been visible because before she knew it she saw an exit. Since she was driving so slowly it was no problem to maneuver the vehicle to take it. At the end of the exit she had no idea which way to go. Nothing was visible in either direction; no lights; no buildings; no vehicles. She decided to go left. Fifteen minutes later she had still seen nothing so she decided to turn around to get back to the interstate.

Heading back the way she had come she noticed that the snow was coming down even harder. Straining her eyes to see what she thought was the road she realized a second too late that she was off the road. She felt the car angle down a gentle slope just before it came to an abrupt stop. Snow from an embankment fell across the hood covering all of the passenger windshield and part of the driver's side as well.

Olivia knew this was bad. She had seen no sign of life; she had no cell phone; and no one, not even Elliot, knew she was traveling by car. For several minutes she mentally chastised herself and then did so aloud.

"Way to go, Benson. What an idiot! You're a cop! You of all people should have known to let someone know you were driving home! Just how are you going to get out of this mess, huh?"

Staying put was imperative. She knew her chances were not good in the car, but they were virtually nil if she left its protection. It at least provided a dry if cold shelter. She slammed her hands against the steering wheel in anger and frustration. It was only after she calmed down a bit that she realized just how dire her predicament truly was. She could die out here. In no time the air in the car was frigid and she could see her breath swirling in white puffs around her.

Releasing her seat belt she clambered across the seats to retrieve her suitcase. She had on several layers already but took off her coat to pull on two more sweaters and pairs of socks, another pair of jeans and the sweatpants she slept in. Thank God she had her gloves, hat and scarf with her, too. She was not good at waiting. She needed to do something to help herself.

Looking out the side window she saw that the driver's door was clear from snow so she got out to check that the exhaust pipe was not covered. It was so she dug it out and tramped the snow down below it to make sure it remained clear. Certainly death by carbon monoxide poisoning was not on her agenda. Checking the storage area in the back of the vehicle she found five orange plastic emergency triangles. Setting them about ten feet apart, she marked a trail to where she had gone off the road. They were at least a foot high and she wondered could they possibly get that much more snow when there was already a foot and half on the ground.

She got back in the car and started it up. She would let the heater run long enough to get it warm and then shut the car off. She decided she would do this every hour or so for fifteen minutes. If she died out here it wouldn't be from lack of doing her part to stay alive. Two hours later she could feel the tingling numbness setting in and she cranked the car for the second time since her ordeal had begun. She watched the gas gauge and knew she had to wait longer to crank it again or she would run out of gas before anyone found her.

Just for the heck of it she wrangled her cell phone from her jean pocket and hit the power button. To her astonishment it powered up and she argued with herself over whether to call 911 or Elliot. As much as she wanted to hear _his_ voice, she knew 911 was the most prudent thing to do.

"911. What is your emergency?"

"This is Olivia Benson. I'm a detective with the NYPD. I was traveling northbound on I-95. I think the last exit I saw before I got off was for Tremley but I'm not sure. I took a left off of the exit, but now I've run off the road and am stuck in a snow bank. I have no idea where I am."

"Are you injured?"

"No. I just need someone to pull me out of the snow bank."

"Just a moment Detective Benson. Our GPS is locating your position."

"Please, hurry. My phone is about to lose power. And could you please contact Elliot Stabler at 212-…

Only one beep sounded before her phone died and with it a gripping fear set in. Blood rushed to her head and her heart pounded so loud it echoed in her ears. In desperation she found herself praying to Elliot's God – _'Please, please don't let me die out here. Please let them find me so I can go home. Please don't take me now…not when I finally found out what it's like to really love someone and be loved in return…please, dear God.'_

Listening to the weather report on the radio, Olivia became even more discouraged. She could not believe she had gotten into this jam. If only she could at least talk to Elliot – he would keep her calm until he found her. If only she had let him, or someone, know she was driving instead of taking the flight. She was exhausted and felt sleep edging in on her consciousness. She fought it because she was afraid that if she gave into it, she may wake up dead. Her body, however, had other plans and she fell asleep against her will.

Outside the storm continued raging, blanketing the road, her car and everything around it with a blanket of white. The orange emergency triangles stood tall but they were no match for Old Man Winter.

eoeoeoeoeo

How am I doing here? Please let me know. And is anyone in the current blizzard area??? Stay safe!!! " ) Bensler

P.S. Part of the country is now in a blizzard and its after affects. So, if you live in or travel through areas that get a lot of snow, please read and learn about how to survive if you are caught in a snowstorm. It is possible if you are prepared and know what to do and not do. Still better - STAY HOME!!!! " ) Bensler

**_IMPORTANT NOTE: This site does not like hyperlinks so I copied the info and posted it below. Everyone should read, just in case you are ever in this situation._**

**_************_**

**Knowing how to survive a blizzard or other winter storm is a crucial, (though hopefully unused) bit of knowledge everyone should know. There are multiple types of winter storms and each can be deadly killers. While men are more likely to die in a winter storm as can be seen in these winter storm death statistics, there are risks for everyone. Imagine being snowed into your house or being stranded in a car during a blizzard. Would you know how to survive? Here, this advice could save you life.**

How to Survive a Winter Storm...

**Outside**

Seek some form of shelter immediately. Blowing winds can cause the wind chill to reduce your core body temperature to dangerous levels. The risk of frostbite and hypothermia increase every minute you are exposed to the cold weather. If you are wet, try to get dry. Lighting a small fire will not only provide warmth, but will enable your clothing to dry out. Deep snow can actually act as an insulation from the wind and cold temperatures. Digging a snow cave can actually save your life. Stay hydrated, but do **_not _**eat snow. You need to melt snow before eating it. Your body must still heat the ice and melt it. Instead, gather snow in some sort of vesicle and attach it to your body for a slow melting process. A canteen inside your coat, but not directly next to the skin will speed the melting process.

**In a Car or Truck**

**_Never _**leave the vehicle. If you are stranded, the vehicle offers a form of protection from overexposure to the cold. A single person walking through the snow is also harder to find than a stranded car or truck. It is okay to run the car for short periods to provide some heat. Remember to crack the windows a small amount to allow for the circulation of fresh air. Dangerous exhaust fumes, including carbon monoxide, can build up very quickly. This is especially true if the tailpipe is buried in the snow. Keep yourself moving. A car offers little room for you to keep your blood flowing, but exercise is a must. Clap your hands, stomp your feet, and move around as much as possible at least once an hour. In addition to keeping your body moving, keep your mind and spirit from wandering too far into gloom. While potentially dangerous situations are not a time of joy, keeping yourself from added stress will allow you to make smarter decisions when necessitated. Make the car visible for a rescue. Hang bits of bright colored cloth or plastic from the windows. If the snow has stopped falling, open the hood of the car as a signal of distress.

**At Home** If the electricity goes out, use an alternative form of heat with caution. Fireplaces and kerosene heaters can be dangerous without proper ventilation. Keep children away from any alternative heat source. Stick to one room for heat and close off unnecessary rooms in the house. Make sure there are no air leaks in the room. Keep sunlight streaming through the windows in the day, but block all windows at night. Keep hydrated and nourished in case the heat is out for an extended period. An unhealthy body will be more susceptible to the cold than a healthy one. Pets must also be protected from the cold. When temperatures drop below freezing, outdoor pets should be moved indoors or to a sheltered area to protect them from the cold.

Instructions

Step 1

Plan ahead. Understand that while life usually goes according to plan, there's always room for the unexpected. If you take time to think through possible emergency scenarios, you can then equip yourself accordingly.

Step 2

Make a car emergency kit for the trunk. Pack a crank radio, a crank flashlight and at least a gallon of bottled water. Include easy to store food, such as energy bars, trail mix, peanut butter and crackers. Avoid chocolate, high sodium foods or any items that will increase your thirst. Pack a compact sleeping bag, a blanket, a shovel, tire chains and boots. Don't forget your first aid kit, a map, fire-starting supplies, flares, a tow rope and a bright-colored flag or handkerchief.

Step 3

Watch the weather report. If you will be winter hiking, the weather can change precipitously fast. Dress appropriately, and carry in a backpack any gear you will need to shelter while the snowstorm passes. Wear layers so you can add or remove clothing as needed to ensure that you stay warm and dry.

Step 4

Keep your cell phone or satellite phone fully charged. Notify someone of your situation. If you can't get a decent signal, try calling 911.

Step 5

Tell someone where you are going, and don't deviate from your planned route. This applies whether you are driving or hiking.

Step 6

Stay put. If you're hiking, take shelter in a nearby building, build a snow cave or take cover under trees.

Step 7

If you're driving, pull over and stay with your car. Maintain at least a half tank of gas, and make sure your windshield washer fluid and oil are topped off. If you get stranded, you will need to run your engine to stay warm, and you'll need every drop of gas you can get. Run your car for about 10 minutes each hour. Turn off the lights and radio when the car is not running to avoid running the battery down. If you have a crank radio, listen to it for weather updates.

Step 8

If you have to leave your car for any reason, tie one end of the tow rope to the car, and tie the other end to your waist to ensure you can find your way back safely. If you are stuck once the snowstorm has passed, raise the hood of your car to signal an emergency. You can also post a flag or tie the handkerchief to the antenna to signal you need help.

Step 9

Ration your supplies. Eat small snacks every hour or so to give your body an energy source with which to generate heat. Drink about 4 ounces (half cup) of water every hour or so to prevent dehydration


	3. Disengage

**Author's Note: Thank you ALL so much for the reviews! I hope to respond to each of you at some point...just a lot going on...like packing for my 5 day trip to the Bahamas tomorrow!! You guys have a great week and think of me! Don't be too jealous!! LOL! You guys are awesome! " ) Bensler**

**Conditions**

**By Bensler**

**Chapter 3 ~ Disengage**

**NY Presbyterian Hospital Morgue –Thursday, December 24, 2009 – 2:33 a.m.**

The second body slid easily back in place on the rolling track as the drawer closed with an echoing clang of metal. The morgue attendant stood quietly watching the men before him. They were all in various stages of relief and he was glad that for once he did not have what they were looking for – the body of a loved one. Uncertain what to do or say, he stood there awkwardly until the captain glanced over at him and then ushered the others out of the room.

Silence still enveloped them as they filled the hallway. Finally, Elliot sighed heavily and ran his hands over his face. The eyes of the other men fell on him, gauging his emotional stability. "Olivia, where are you?" he whispered to himself, his hands covering his mouth.

Cragen shifted his eyes toward the other two detectives. "Fin, Munch…go over that manifest again. Make sure _everyone_ is accounted for, dead or alive." Cragen handed Fin the crumpled sheath of papers that held the record of passengers of flight 1359.

"Elliot and I are going to the airport to see if the airline has a record of any last minute changes to the flight," he told them as he nodded to Elliot to follow him out.

"Cap'n…" Elliot started but then no more words would follow. He swallowed the huge lump in his throat and shook his head from side to side.

Cragen placed his hand on Elliot's shoulder and squeezed it lightly several times. "I don't know where she is, but we are going to find her." With that declaration he headed toward the exit and Elliot followed.

**I-95 Near Tremley, NJ - Thursday, December 24, 2009 – 4:03 a.m.**

Olivia awoke with a start. It took only seconds to remember where she was and only another second for panic to rise up in her. Taking deeps breaths she talked herself into calming down. If she allowed panic to reign, she would most certainly die here. She had to maintain her common sense and sanity. She forced herself into cop mode. Checking the glow dials of her watch she saw he had only slept for about thirty minutes, but she was now feeling the chill settle into her bones. Snow had nearly covered the windshield.

Looking out the driver's door window she saw there was a buildup of snow but not enough that it would hold her captive. Opening the door she had to put all of her weight and strength into it to move it. Finally she was able to open it enough to squeeze through. She realized she needed something to dig with so her gloves would not get wet with snow. Slipping back into the car, she opened the dash storage. The only things in there were a small ice scraper and the owner's manual for the car. She pulled the manual out and worked her way out of the car again.

Working slowly so she would not build up too much a sweat, she steadily cleared the snow from the door and worked her way around to the exhaust. It was almost buried again. As she looked around in what little light there was, she could see that at least eight more inches had fallen and it was still snowing. And hard. She tried to find the emergency triangles but after searching for the fourth one for several minutes, she was afraid she might lose her way back to the car so she gave up. Making her way back, she could see the orange of the three triangles she did find and hoped that would be enough for someone to find her. She could only pray it would be in time.

Once settled again inside the vehicle she cranked it up only to hear the engine strain to come to life. No. No! Please crank! Please! On the fourth try the engine sputtered and turned over and she breathed a heavy sigh of relief and then burst into tears. "El…El…you gotta find me. You gotta here in time. We can't lose each other. Not now. Not like this!"" Quickly pulling herself together she wiped her tears, sniffled and pulled a spiral notebook from her computer bag. The blue gel pen was still held within the wire of the spiral and she pulled it out and opened to a clean page. Staring at the empty space with the light blue lines, she took a deep breath and began to write.

**LaGuardia Airport, Queens – Thursday, December 24, 2009 – 2:40 a.m.**

The weather alert on the radio was information that they needed to hear, but it only served to bring their fear that much closer to panic. _'The worst of the storm is heading northeast across the region Thursday, where a foot or two more of snow is expected in some areas by Christmas Day. Dozens of truckers and other motorists were forced to seek shelter across the region after being forced off the road by howling winds as this winter storm blows through the state.'_

Elliot shifted in his seat turning his head more toward his window propping his elbow on the doorframe and resting his head in the palm of his hand.

'_The National Weather Service issued blizzard warnings late Wednesday for all of the mid-Atlantic states and into New England. Travelers are strongly cautioned to put off travel plans rather than attempt to brave this dangerous storm. Anyone taking to the road should pack a winter survival kit including blankets, flashlights and water in case of emergency…'_

Cragen looked over at Elliot then reached for the radio button and pressed it bringing a stillness to the small confines of the sedan. He was thinking that even if there were a change in plans and Olivia drove, it may be that she was no better off than if she had been on that flight. He had no words of comfort for Elliot so they continued on, each entombed in their own morbid thoughts.

Pulling into the Delta terminal, Cragen parked in the area designated for airport security and he and Elliot made their way to the flight desk. Cragen showed his badge to the woman at the computer. "Captain Don Cragen, NYPD. One of my detectives was supposed to be on flight 1359…"

"Oh, I'm sorry, sir…but that flight…uh…excuse me just a moment…" she turned away to talk to a male employee.

"Look. We _know_ it crashed. She wasn't at the scene, she's not in the hospital or the morgue. I need to know if you have any record of her changing her plans or anything. She's my partner," Elliot snapped at the woman.

And so much more, thought Cragen, as he took in Elliot's strained facial features and tense body language. The man was beside himself with worry.

The woman and man turned and stared at him speechless. Finally, the man stepped forward and spoke. "Sir, our computers are down because of the storm and there is no way to access any flight information…"

Elliot stared at him like he did not understand what he was saying. Then suddenly he turned and grabbed one of the poles with the fabric ribbon that provided a line for passengers. As he released it, the pole pulled four more down with it, all clattering loudly to the floor. Elliot sprinted from the airport.

Cragen apologized for him and took off running. Catching up with him just outside the door, he stopped short of the car and waited. Snow swirled around them as Elliot held onto the top of the vehicle, his head between his arms, his breathing erratic.

"Where is she?! Where is she?!" he yelled, repeatedly slamming his hand onto car's top. He turned tortured blue eyes shimmering with tears to Cragen. "Where is she?" His voice was now a raw, raspy whisper.

"I wish I knew." Cragen opened the car door and Elliot got in.

Once Cragen was seated, he stared straight ahead. The snow was harder now than when they were called to the crash site. This _was_ a blizzard and they really should find shelter and wait for word from Olivia. But he could not do that. And he knew Elliot would not quit until they found her. He wondered what to do next because he was out of ideas. Just as he cranked the car his cell phone rang.

"Cragen." He listened for a moment and then looked over at Elliot, their eyes meeting.

"How long ago?" He handed Elliot an ink pen from his jacket. "Give me the number."

Elliot wrote the number on his hand as Cragen called it out. "What? What is it? Olivia? Is she okay?"

"That was the night desk. A call from the Linden, New Jersey Police Department came in about an hour ago. They got a 911 call from Olivia around 1:30 a.m. She was stuck in a snow bank off of I-95."

"911? Snowbank? She's driving? She's okay?" Elliot leaned toward the captain eagerly waiting to hear words that would soothe his soul and let him breathe again.

Cragen's lip was set in a straight line and he chose his words carefully. "Her cell phone died before they got precise GPS coordinates. They're searching a general area but they haven't found her yet. "

Elliot felt the life being sucked out of him again. "Why? Why didn't she call me? Why didn't she let me know she was driving? I would have…I would have told her to…" he trailed off. Then looking up at Cragen he asked, "What took so long for them call us?"

"Phone service has been sporadic with the storm. She told them to call you…but the phone went out as she gave the number. It took them awhile to piece together that you were also a detective and find the right precinct. Half of the NYPD is out on the streets helping stranded motorists and the lines are all busy."

"Her phone is dead…that's why it kept going to voicemail," Elliot absently stated.

Cragen tossed him his cell phone. "Yeah. Call Munch. Tell him and Fin to meet us at I-495, exit 10W for the Long Island Expressway. We're heading for the Linden, New Jersey PD."

**Linden, New Jersey PD – Thursday, December 24, 2009 – 4:22 a.m.**

It was all Elliot could do to maintain his composure when he heard Olivia's voice on the 911 tape.

'_This is Olivia Benson. I'm a detective with the NYPD. I was traveling northbound on I-95. I think the last exit I saw before I got off was for Tremley but I'm not sure. I took a left off of the exit, but now I've run off the road and am stuck in a snow bank. I have no idea where I am.' _

No idea where she was? Elliot's apprehension grew even as his anger multiplied. Fearful and upset that she was now lost and angry that she would drive and put herself in such a situation by not letting anyone even know she had changed her plans.

'_Are you injured?'_

'_No. I just need someone to pull me out of the snow bank.'_

Thank, God, she was not injured. He didn't know what he would do if he found out she was lost _and_ hurt. But _where_ was she? The recorded voices continued.

'_Just a moment Detective Benson. Our GPS is locating your position.'_

'_Please, hurry. My phone is about to lose power. And could you please contact Elliot Stabler at 212-…'_

When he heard her say his name, he felt lightheadedness wash over him. It was hard to breathe. Would this be the last time he would hear his name cross her lips in her husky voice? Violently shaking his head he tried to push those thoughts from his brain.

Captain Devin Greiner of the Linwood PD felt sorry for the detective. It was quite obvious Olivia Benson meant far more to him than just being his partner. They had been looking for her for almost three hours and the chances of finding her alive grew dimmer with each passing minute. "Captain Cragen, we have a fresh crew ready to head out. Do you want your men to split up with ours or do you want to follow on your own?"

Cragen looked at Elliot, Munch and Fin. "We'll follow you. That will give us two more pairs looking for her."

"We're going toward Tremley. We have general coordinates from a cell tower that gives us a general area to search but not the specifics. Just follow closely. It's a mess out there," Captain Greiner told them.

It was now 4:38 a.m. Olivia's call had been just over three hours ago. The thirty mile trip from Queens to Linden had taken an hour and twenty minutes because of the weather. As they turned off the exit that the GPS coordinates indicated, Elliot found himself having a conversation in his head with her.

'_Why didn't you tell me you were driving?'_

'_I wanted to surprise you, El.'_

'_Liv, I would have told you wait it out. Do you have any idea how scared I was when I found out your flight had crashed? And then when we couldn't find you? I was sick with fear over what could have happened!'_

'_I'm so sorry. I know I should have called…I know better. But it was late and I just wanted to get home to you, Elliot. Please - don't be mad at me.'_ She would be talking in the voice that she used when she wanted something from him. The deep, soothing voice; its huskiness melting his reserve, drawing him in and then she would wrap her arms around him and kiss him lightly on his neck and up his jaw, teasing him, testing his resolve.

And then despite his fear, his anger, he would be overcome with such thankfulness that she was alive and here and he would take her in his arms and kiss her and hold her and tell her how much he loved her. He closed his eyes as he pictured the scene. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he was startled when Cragen pulled over and stopped and called his name.

"Elliot…come on. Let's see what Greiner has to say." Cragen opened the car door and met up with the group of officers and deputies along the side of the road. Elliot followed.

Greiner explained that the cell tower the call came from was a half mile away. The lights on it could be seen from time to time through the snowfall. They were relatively sure that Olivia had gotten off on this exit and turned left meaning they need to search the north side of the road. They just had no clue as to how far she had gone off the exit.

"Have you searched the south side, too?" Elliot asked.

"No…if she got off and turned left it would mean she was on the north side." He pointed from the exit toward the left and Elliot understood but still was not satisfied.

"Well, I think we should check both sides. I mean, what if she couldn't see the road and ran off it on the other side?"

Captain Greiner looked at him and then at Cragen. "At this point, I say go for it…cause if we don't find her soon, it will be too late."

Elliot knew he needed to disengage his emotions from his actions, but he simply could not. Olivia meant too much to him. Instead he took a deep, ragged breath and grabbed Greiner by the coat collar and pulled him up close. "We _will_ find my partner, Olivia. Alive. You got that?" Elliot's words were clipped and enunciated clearly, his voice a growl. He then released the captain, turned on his heel and was to the car before Greiner could speak.

"She's a lot more than just his partner." Greiner said to Cragen.

Cragen nodded and headed for the car, mumbling under his breath, "If you only knew how _much_ more."

eoeoeoeoeo

NOTE: AGAIN - if you live somewhere that gets lots of snow, please read the extra information at the end of chapter 2. Be safe, take care! " ) Bensler


	4. Deadly

**Conditions**

**By Bensler**

**Chapter 4 ~ Deadly**

**I-95 Near Tremley, NJ - Thursday, Earlier December 24, 2009 – 4:07 a.m.**

Olivia squinted in the light of the small flashlight she always kept in her jacket as she read and reread the first entry she made. Sitting here doing nothing was driving her nuts. Besides, if she didn't make it, she wanted Elliot to know her last thoughts were of him. She looked over the page and flowing handwriting and willed him to hurry and find her.

_4:07 a.m. Stuck in a snowstorm, alone, wishing I had made it home to you. Wishing I had told you I was driving. I wanted to surprise you. If all had gone like I was dreaming – right now I'd be wrapped in your arms reveling in the feel of your fingers running through my hair, the beat of your heart in my ear as we snuggle on your couch, drink hot chocolate and watch old movies on TV._

_**E**__verything_

_**L**__ove_

_**L**__ife_

_**I**__ncredible_

_**O**__livia _

_**T**__ogether_

_This is what you are to me, El. Don't roll your eyes at my name. Because without you – Elliot – there _**is**_ no me. You can't have 'Elliot' without an 'O'…So the 'o' in your name symbolizes me…that I am a part of you…just like you are for me. I know this is sort of cheesy…and you of all people know I'm not good at expressing my feelings – neither of us are – but we're working on it, huh? Together. _

_It's so cold the humidity from my breath is beginning to freeze on the inside windshield. The snow has now covered it except for the top left and I can see it is still snowing hard. It won't be long before the snow completely covers the car. _

_4:15 a.m. My toes and fingers are numb with the cold. I feel it settling on me, taking me hostage. El, I'm a cop. And I know a bad situation when I see it…I'm in a real tough spot here. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but just in case, I'm not around to tell you my thoughts on this little thingy I did with your name…well, it means that you, Elliot Jackson Stabler are my everything. You are my love, my life. You have been for far longer than you ever knew. You are incredible, the connection we have…it's like it was ordained that we be together. You and me. Us. E and O. Benson and Stabler. Always and forever. ~ O_

**I-95 Near Tremley, NJ - Thursday, December 24, 2009 – 5:17 a.m.**

The five search teams split up and each took roughly a tenth of mile at a time in an attempt to cover the entire area. Elliot's worry was compounded by the frustration of how slowly the effort was going. Though most of the main road just off the interstate had been cleared, it made it that much more difficult to search the sides of the road because additional snow was now piled on top of that which was freshly fallen.

The puffs of white from their increasingly labored breathing dissipated in the darkness of the early morning. Light from their flashlights slowly filter over the blanket of white looking for something, anything to tell them a car went off course. They had canvassed the area first by car and were now meticulously scanning it on foot.

"Captain? Can we drive up past the last team?" Elliot pointed west.

Cragen stared at him and then shrugged. "You think we're looking in the wrong place?"

Elliot took off his knit cap and shook the snow from it before returning it to his head. "I-I don't know. I just think if Liv were this close she would have been able to see the interstate below and let 911 know that."

"You think she went further west before she called for help?"

"Cap'n…look around. There is nothing on this exit. No restaurant, no hotels, no gas stations…nothing. I think she went west a ways but she wouldn't of kept going. I _know_ Olivia…and something tells me she turned around and was heading back to the interstate where she would be somewhat familiar with her surroundings. So, I still think we need to look on this side of the road." Elliot bounced on his feet and rubbed his gloved hands together to keep warm as he explained his thoughts to Cragen.

Taking a minute to process Elliot's thoughts Cragen watched Munch and Fin across the way from them. "All right. Let's go." Cragen was heading for the car even as he spoke. "Since you're so sure about this, we'll take Munch and Fin with us."

Sure about this? Elliot wasn't sure about anything except that he had to find her. He _had_ to. Olivia had been by his side for the better part of eleven years now and he could not even recall what it had been like without her and now he could not begin to imagine his life without her in it.

As they headed across the road Cragen pulled over and Elliot motioned the other two detectives to them.

"What's goin' on?" Fin asked as he stamped his feet to release the snow encasing his boots.

Both men leaned into Elliot's open window looking between him and their Captain. "Elliot thinks we should be looking farther up the road."

"And why is that?" Munch pulled the collar of the wool coat up and repositioned his scarf tighter around his neck, chin and nose.

Elliot shook his head. "I don't know. I just…I just feel like Liv was further up the road when she got stuck. Can't explain why…just a feeling. A _gut_ feeling I've got.

Munch and Fin exchanged knowing looks, shook their heads, and turned toward their car as they replied in unison, "Okay."

The whole unit was well aware of the bond, the connection between Benson and Stabler. It was something that defied true definition or explanation. But a few things about it were certain – it was _real_, it was _powerful_, it was _unbreakable_, and when one of them sensed something about the other, it rarely ever proved _wrong_.

Cragen slowly pulled back onto the road as Elliot pushed the power button to close his window. In the side view mirror he watched Fin and Munch pull out behind them, the tail end of the car fishtailing slightly in the snow and ice.

Elliot leaned his head back, his mind in overdrive. His gut instinct had been honed by years on the job and he and Olivia usually read each other like a book and sensed what they could not see about the other. He _had_ to be right about this. Being a cop had taught him there were no guarantees in life and he was well aware that Olivia was in a deadly situation. But, in his mind, in his heart, there was _no_ alternative. This time there had to be some kind of guarantee in play. He _had_ to find her and find her in _time_. Closing his eyes, he said what had to be the thousandth prayer he had prayed since Cragen knocked on his door last night. As he finished his petition to God, he opened his eyes and muttered under his breath, "Liv, _where_ are you, babe? Where are you?"

**I-95 Near Tremley, NJ – Earlier Thursday, December 24, 2009 – 4:24 a.m.**

The sugar cookies having long worn off, Olivia was now hungry. She did have a bottle of water she kept between her turtleneck and coat to keep it from freezing solid. However, she sipped on it sparingly because she had no way to relieve herself now that the snow had pretty much entombed her. It was perhaps still two feet from the window on the driver's door, but she could no longer open it. Reclining the seat a bit, holding the spiral notebook against the steering wheel, she once again lifted the pen. Hands shaking violently, she had to make several attempts before she could actually write in a semi-straight line.

_4:24 a.m. Been cranking the car for heat every hour but it's only been about thirty minutes and I'm freezing. I just tried to start it again but it won't crank. The battery is definitely gone. There is no doubt in my mind that my time is short. I have never been this cold. Or scared. El, honey, if you can read this as sloppy and messy as it is then you are even more incredible than I thought. The air is cold but stuffy…I think that means the oxygen is low. God, I don't want to die! Not now. Not when you are finally free for me to love and be with. Elliot, are you praying for me? Will your God even listen?_

A giant tear splashes onto the page, smearing the ink and blue lines. Olivia does not bother to brush it away. Instead she leans back in her seat and gives way to her grief. Grief over losing her life, the new life she and Elliot were building. Together. Sorrow over the pain she knew he would have to endure…without her, _because_ of her. The tears flow freely now and her nose instantly stops up. She blames herself for not calling him, for not going with Fran, for not just staying at the airport. Then the guilt takes over. How could she do this to him? To them? And more tears.

The air is thinner after her emotional exertion and she knows she cannot last much longer. Sleep is tugging at her, speaking softly with its soothing whispers of rest. But this time another voice, an innate sense warns her that if she gives into it, this time it will be an _eternal_ sleep. And because she loves him, because he is now her life, because he is her reason to live, she fights it. She fights because of Elliot. Wiping her nose with the back of gloves, she picks up the pen again.

_4:31 a.m. I'm sorry, El. I'm whining and that's not what you need. I'm trusting in your prayers and that your God will listen and have mercy, if not for me, then for you and He will let me live. My entire body is consumed with shivering and shaking. My teeth are now chattering uncontrollably. I am so, so tired. Just want to close my eyes and rest…just for a little bit…but I can't…I know if I do…I…I won't wake up._

_I have to tell you that sitting here not knowing where I am, with no way to contact you…I just…not knowing if I will ever see you again…and I…I just…one more time... I just want…no, I _need_ to hear your voice, feel your arms around me, close my eyes as you press your lips to mine…Elliot! Please…you have to find me. I need you! I need you to find me, baby. Please find me in time. _

_But, El…if…if…I'm gone…El…it is _not_ your fault. You hear me? Not your fault. So, snap out of it, Stabler! You have given me the best three months of my life and I can't tell you what it has meant to me. I love you…El, I love you so completely, so deeply. I've never been loved or felt love like I have with you. Thank you for giving that experience to me, Elliot. You have all my love always ~ Liv._

The last entry was barely legible because of her trembling hands and numb fingers. It is the last one she is able to make, because her eyes are heavy with weariness, lack of air and the cold. Gradually, little by little, they drift shut as the beckoning sleep becomes the victor, the betrayer, stealing Olivia from the world of consciousness. From Elliot.

eoeoeoeoeo


	5. Divine Destiny

**AUTHOR'S COMMENTS: First, let me say, thank you to all who read my stories and an extra special thank you to those who take time to review. A number of you have been my faithful readers from day one and I appreciate you greatly. I've said it many times, but I will say it again: Reviews are the ONLY way we authors have of knowing whether or not our stories are well received and whether or not we need to find something else to do with our time. Do we like the reivews which let us know what we are doing right and/or wrong? Sure - it is the only way to keep on doing what is right and change what is wrong and improve our writing. Do we like reviews that are essentially pats on the back? You betcha! Does that make us egotistical snobs? Maybe for some...but for most of us we just need to know that all the hours and hours we have spent concocting and writing out a story is appreciated. It takes an enormous amount of time to plan out and write a good story and only a minute or two for a reader to let an author know what you liked...or didn't like about it. **

**FF dot net was the first place I ever posted and the response I got was phenomenal. It spurred me to continue writing. ****I don't know what is going on now, but when I post on Fan Fiction, I don't get near the response as before. I truly think the reason is that so many folks from here now read on SVUFiction on which I still get plenty of response. Therefore, I really do think - as I mentioned before - that I will probably not keep posting here. It just does not seem to be worth the effort anymore. Comments??? " ) Bensler**

* * *

**Conditions**

**By Bensler**

**Chapter 5 ~ Divine Destiny**

**I-95 Near Tremley, NJ - Thursday, December 24, 2009 – 6:03 a.m.**

Roughly forty-five long, frustrating minutes had passed since Cragen and his detectives had moved their search further west. Cragen and Elliot were about seventy-five yards from Munch and Fin. In the not too far distance they could see the lights from the vehicles and flashlights of the other searchers. Daylight was yet another hour and a quarter away.

Elliot was struggling to maintain a positive attitude. It was hard. And with each passing minute with no sign of the car or Olivia, it became even more difficult. If she were buried in the vehicle it would not take long for it to become an icy tomb. They had to find her soon! _God, please, just give us something, anything. Please, I can't live without her. _A tear trailed down his left cheek as he finished his silent plea. Wiping it away with the frozen back of his glove, the wool rough against his face, he continued his slow walk, scrutinizing the snow for anything that would lead him to Olivia.

Cragen's lips were thin lines, the anxiety and fear written in each crevice that formed in his wrinkled brow. He kept thinking of Olivia's smile and he kept picturing her freezing to death. Alone. The smile slowly fading from his sight. And his stomach lurched with each thought. No, no, he reprimanded himself, they would find her and she would be fine. She had to be fine. SVU would never survive her loss, not to mention what it would do to Elliot.

Their thoughts were broken by Fin's voice piercing the night. "Elliot! Captain!" Fin hollered from below them. "Munch's got something!"

Even struggling through the deep snow, it took no time for the captain and Elliot to make it to Fin and Munch. "What?" Elliot asked his voice full of dread.

"Only the very tip was showing. Flashlight reflected off it" Munch explained from his position about twenty feet from the road. Part of an orange emergency triangle could be seen as Munch dug to uncover it. "Got something else," he said as he stood one hand brushing snow from a shiny gold object in the palm of his other.

The look in his eyes was sympathetic as he stretched his hand toward Elliot.

In Munch's gloved hand lay an NYPD detective's badge. Number 4015.

Elliot reached for it then held it in his left hand, the fingers of his right tracing the numbers of Olivia's badge. His heart was about to leap out of his chest. How did it get here? Did she lose it when she set the emergency signals? Or had she taken off walking for help? Surely, she would not have left the relative safety of the car.

"She wouldn't have left the car…would she?" Munch asked. "I mean…you know…you don't think she's…" The rest of his words stuck in his throat.

Cragen watched Elliot closely and searched for some comforting words. He found none and if he could have, he doubted he would be able to speak around the huge lump that formed in his throat.

Elliot looked up at Munch and shook his head. "No, no. She would have set the emergency signals and gone back to the car. I know she would have. I _know_ it."

"Come on! Found another one!" Fin called out.

The three men ran toward him and the second orange triangle.

"This one's about ten feet from the first one…and judging from the angle…" Cragen was already walking off ten more feet. "Should be another one about right here." He fell to his knees and started digging with his hands.

Fin ran up with two shovels he had gotten from the car and tossed one to Elliot. They dug for several minutes before Cragen found the third one. Elliot jumped up and started measuring for the next one, but then his flashlight reflected off the tail lights of a gold vehicle, with only the back end and the driver side clear of snow. 'Toyota' was visible beneath the snow that rested on top of the letters on the left of the hatchback door.

His heart stopped. It _was_ her. It was her badge and the car rental company said she had rented a gold, Toyota Highlander. They had found her. They had found Olivia. _Dear God please let her be alive. Let her be okay! _

"Got a vehicle! Got a vehicle! It's her! Help me!" he screamed as he sank into nearly knee high snow as he scrambled down a short incline to the Toyota. "Liv! Olivia!"

Running with the others Cragen flipped open his cell phone and called Captain Greiner of the Linwood PD. "Captain, this Don Cragen. We are about a mile and a half west of I-95. We need a bus and a tow truck! We found her!"

The four men descended on the vehicle and began digging frantically, Elliot and Fin with shovels, Cragen and Munch with their hands. They each hollered her name at varying intervals.

"Olivia! Do you hear me?" Cragen shouted. "Say something!"

"We're here, 'Livia! Hang on, girl!" Fin kept hollering. "Just hang on!"

"Liv, we're going to get you out! Can you hear us?" Munch yelled.

"Olivia! Olivia!" Elliot screamed as he dug the back door free of snow. Peering into the window he could see the top of her head covered in the black knit winter cap. She was curled up in a fetal position in the reclined driver's seat facing the passenger door. He was so close he could have reached out and touched her. So close, yet so far. "It's locked! Look out!" He swung the shovel with all his might, slamming it into the window. With each blow, it simply bounced off.

"Keep digging!" Cragen commanded. "It will be quicker than trying to break this safety glass!"

In no time they had the driver's door cleared and thank God it was _not_ locked.

Elliot's heart was beating so fast and so hard he felt himself becoming lightheaded. Taking slow, deep breaths, he willed himself to calm down. Glancing at Cragen and the others he opened the door and they pulled it as far open as they could against the unrelenting bank of snow.

Elliot pulled his gloves off and reached for Olivia. "Liv? Olivia? It's me. It's El. I'm here." He tried to turn her toward the door but couldn't get the leverage he needed in the small space. Munch unlocked the back door and Fin crawled in and from behind helped Elliot move her.

They could not turn her body. It seemed stiff, unmovable. Elliot felt his own life ebbing. Her face was so pale. Partially opened lips were stained with a purplish, blue tint. The dark lashes were a harsh contrast to the deathly pallor of her skin. Elliot stared at her for what seemed like forever but was only a few seconds. Gently, he cupped her face with his left hand. It was like ice. He felt his heart plummet and his stomach knot up. Were they too late? Was she alive? His hand traveled to her neck, feeling for a pulse.

His own breathing was suspended as his fingers slipped beneath the royal blue turtleneck shirt she wore, trying desperately to find the telltale sign of life. Even her neck was stone cold. There was not even a smidgen of warmth. He was about to lose it. It was as though the entire world dropped away - there was no air; no ground; no anchor to this life. His breathing became rapid and shallow. "Olivia…" His tear-filled voice cracked as he whispered, "Babe…please say something!"

She was silent.

Then in the distance the shrill of sirens became louder and finally the emergency lights painted the white snow surrounding the scene in flashing shades of red and bright white.

With tears in his eyes, Elliot looked up at Fin. "I-I…c-c-can't find a…a p-pulse," he stammered his eyes falling back to Olivia's cold, still form. It could not be good that they could not move her from her curled up position, he thought.

Two EMS technicians, Captain Greiner and a half dozen of his men descended upon the vehicle. Four or five men had shovels and were digging and packing a path from the Highlander back to the road so EMS could get through more easily.

"EMS is here, El. Let them help her," Fin said quietly as his own hand slid from her neck and he climbed out of the car. He fought the need to retch because he, too, had failed to find a pulse.

The snow had just about stopped but darkness still claimed the light. It was now twenty after six in the morning as Elliot, Fin, Munch and Cragen watched the EMTs gently pull Olivia out of the vehicle and lay her on a stretcher still curled on her side. One of the EMTs pulled something held closely to her chest from her hands.

A spiral bound notebook.

Fin was standing closest and the EMT handed it to him. As he glanced down at it he realized it was Olivia's handwriting and he cannot stop himself from reading just a line or two.

The entry read _'4:31 a.m. I'm sorry, El. I'm whining and that's not what you need. I'm trusting in your prayers and that your God will listen and have mercy, if not for me, then for you and He will let me live. My entire body is consumed with shivering and shaking. My teeth are now chattering uncontrollably. I am so, so tired. Just want to close my eyes and rest…just for a little bit…but I can't…I know if I do…I…I won't wake up._

Fin squeezed his eyes shut at the vision the words made in his head. Opening them again he skimmed the rest of the entry. '_I _need_ to hear your voice, feel your arms around me…' _And then_ 'But, El…if…if…I'm gone…El…it is _not_ your fault.' _And finally_, 'You have all my love always ~ Liv'. _He swallowed hard and wiped tears from eyes. Looking up, he was relieved that Elliot was transfixed by what the EMTs were doing to Olivia. He closed the notebook and tucked it inside his coat, embarrassed that he had read such private thoughts of his friend and colleague.

Munch was intent on Olivia as well, but Cragen had seen the notebook and was now staring at Fin, a silent question in his eyes. Fin shook his head and Cragen nodded in answer. They agreed, now would _not_ be a good time for Elliot to see the notebook.

Speaking quietly one of the EMTs said to the other, "Can't find a pulse."

Elliot had taken all he could and he turned away to empty his stomach in the pure white of the snow behind him. She was gone. She was dead, voices in his mind screamed. But the voices in his heart kept saying no. No, she was still here. He'd feel it if she were really gone. Right? He would _know_. He could not give up. Not yet. She needed him and he would be here. He wiped his mouth and the tears from his eyes then stood to face what he feared would end up being the hardest thing in his life. The loss of Olivia Benson.

The other EMT had leaned over and unbuttoned Olivia's coat to slip his stethoscope under the layers of clothing. "She's still a bit warm under here."

"That's good, right?" Munch asked.

Ignoring him, the EMT listened intently, moving the instrument slightly. The seconds pass too slowly. At last he hears a faint sound. One lone thump, so slight he strained to hear another to be certain it was not just his imagination. Finally, it comes. Another faint thump, and then another. "She's alive! She needs treatment ASAP!"

There was a collective sigh of relief as the men all looked at each other. After several tense minutes of watching as the EMTs thread an IV into her and place thermal blankets on her torso, the group followed the newly packed pathway to the ambulance. As they lifted Olivia into it, Elliot was right beside her. "I'm riding with her."

"Sir, we don't allow…" the older EMT started.

Cragen's hand on his arm garnered his attention and he turned to look at the captain. "He's riding," Cragen said firmly as Elliot settled beside Olivia, holding her left hand in both of his.

The wail of the siren abruptly splits the night then just as quickly fades away.

**Waiting Room, 's, NYC - Thursday, December 24, 2009 – 6:40 a.m.**

Because Captain Cragen had requested they take Olivia to NYC, St. Vincent's Catholic Medical Center is where they ended up. It was one of the leading trauma centers in the area. He wanted her close to home and it was actually closer than the University Hospital in Newark where they normally would have headed.

Once they arrived, the trauma personnel were adamant that Elliot was _not_ going back with her. It took Munch and Cragen holding him back as he argued, hollered, fought and cursed. Fin had gone across the street to a bar and returned with a bottle of whiskey and a large, steaming cup of coffee. He poured some of the coffee into a second cup, added some whiskey and handed it to Elliot. He refused it. Cragen took it and handed it to him with a glare. Whatever it took, they had to get him calmed down.

"Captain…I…" Elliot tried to hand the drink back to the captain.

"Drink it." Cragen pushed the cup back toward Elliot. "That's an order."

Slowly, he sipped on it and then seconds later downed it. He shuddered against the burn of what seemed to be much more whiskey than coffee. All he really needed was to be with Olivia. He was going crazy sitting out here worrying about her. Fin handed him the second cup of coffee laced with liquor and Elliot downed it, too.

**Trauma Room, 's, NYC - Thursday, December 24, 2009 – 7:40 a.m.**

The thermal blankets and IV had warmed Olivia enough that her body now lay flat on her back still somewhat rigid but much more pliable. Technicians had removed all her clothing replacing it with layers of warmed blankets covering her torso. Her arms and legs remained uncovered. This was to prevent a potentially fatal phenomenon known as after-drop. When cold blood from warmed limbs are too quickly forced back into the body it can cause a rapid drop in the body's core temperature and result in shock, heart arrhythmia and even death.

Electrodes fastened to her chest and abdomen, and one leg and arm to monitored her heart. The hiss of a blood pressure cuff as it released its air, showed new numbers in digital green. A mask over her nose and mouth sent warm oxygen into her lungs aiding in the re-warming process.

"Body temp was 89.9 at arrival. It's 92.8 now," a nurse informed the team working on Olivia.

"Good. That's good." Dr. Breshinski nodded, his arms crossed over his chest. "Blood pressure is climbing as is her heart rate. Excellent."

The doctor stared at the brunette woman. He wondered if her eyes were as dark as her hair. He wondered about her family and those who loved her. When she had first been brought in an hour ago he really held little hope for her survival. Her initial body temp, blood pressure and EKG were not good, and she seemed basically lifeless. Though he had seen many freezing victims that were comatose, pupils non-reactive, bodies frozen in a fetal position with every indication of death upon them, make full and complete recoveries with no residual effects, most were children. Adults did not fare as well. He remembered what his mentor had told him about hypothermia victims – no matter how cold and dead they seemed - they aren't dead until they are _warm_ and dead. Now, for some reason he knew she was going to come through this. He sensed her strength, her strong will, her goodness. He could not wait to talk to this woman. To tell her that on this eve of the Holiest of miracles, she had become St. Vincent's own divine miracle; that she must have some unfinished work on earth.

"She gets to 95 or so she should start coming round. When she does, I'll talk to the family."

An assisting doctor ordered a new warmed saline IV to replace the one that had become room temperature.

Thirty more minutes pass and Olivia's temperature is nearing 95.

Voices, hollow and distant, tangle with one another and the words are unintelligible. There are other noises, too. Beeps and hisses and whirring and footsteps. What are they, she wonders?

There is a pressure on her body. Something…not too awfully heavy…but definitely something out of the ordinary. It's heavy and warm. She wants to see what it is but her eyes are heavy, too. She can't make them open. There is a heat source from above. It must be the sun, she thinks as she tries to lift her hand to shield her face. Her arm remains at her side so she turns her head.

She becomes aware of a painful stinging in her fingers and toes – she wants to shake them, wiggle them. But her body continues to hold her captive, ignoring her demands.

Through a thick fog, she hears something that her brain recognizes. "Olivia?"

Her name. Someone is calling her name yet she cannot respond.

"Sweetie? Can you hear me? She's moving a bit," a female voice quietly speaks.

Finally, she is able to open her eyes for the shortest second.

"Olivia? Do you know where you are, hon?" The woman is speaking again.

She wants to answer that 'no, she does not know where she is, what happened or why'. All she really wants to do is sleep. But she feels a chill well up and she begins to shiver. The heaviness on her body is lifted but quickly replaced and she vaguely realizes that someone is putting warm blankets over her.

"She's coming 'round. Vitals are great. I'm going to talk to the family." A deep male voice replied.

**Waiting Room, 's, NYC - Thursday, December 24, 2009 – 8:10 a.m.**

"Olivia Benson family?"

Elliot was up and across the room before the others realized they had been summoned. It had been too long since they had arrived and he needed to know something. Anything.

"She okay?" Elliot's eyes were wide with apprehension, his voice shook with emotion.

The doctor smiled at him. "Dr. Breshinski. And you are..."

"Liv's partner. How's she doing?"

"Ms. Benson is doing remarkably well for what she has been through…"

"Can I see her? I need to see her." Elliot grabbed the doctor by the arm.

"Elliot," Cragen softly spoke as he put his hand on Elliot's arm.

Dropping his grip on the doctor, Elliot apologized, "I'm sorry. I'm…we're just…going crazy out here…worrying…"

"You were saying how she's doing…" Munch prodded.

"I really shouldn't divulge this medical information to just anyone. Are you _all_ her family?" the doctor asked as he looked at the four men.

"She ain't got no blood family…but we _are_ her family," Fin said defensively.

"Captain Don Cragen, NYPD." He extended his hand for a shake. "Olivia is one of my detectives. These are her co-workers John Munch, Fin Tutuola and Elliot Stabler. Elliot is her partner," he explained.

"She is doing very well. Her temperature is steadily rising, BP and heart functions are nearly normal, she even opened her eyes a little. She's going to need a lot of rest but I think she will do just fine."

"Can we see her?" Elliot asked again. He had to see for himself that she was okay.

"Partner, right? She may respond better to a familiar voice. We don't usually allow this just yet, but come on." Dr. Breshinski smiled and headed for the trauma area. "_All_ of you,"

**Trauma Room, 's, NYC - Thursday, December 24, 2009 – 8:15 a.m.**

Another voice surrounds her. It fills her head, her heart. This one is familiar. She _knows_ this voice. It is deep. Gruff, yet soothing. The voice is calling her name. Her _other_ name.

"Liv? Liv? Can you hear me, babe? I'm here, Liv. I'm here and I'm not leaving until you can go with me." It is all Elliot can do to keep from breaking down and sobbing at her bedside. His right hand is gripping her left and he is filled with gratitude that he can feel the warmth of her fingers.

"Liv? Say something. Sweetheart, let me know you hear me." He kissed her cheek and brushed hair from her face. "Olivia"

"El…" she said, her voice hoarse and uneven. All eyes are on her, ears perked to hear what she is saying.

"Yeah, babe…I'm here," Elliot tightens his already iron grip on her hand.

Olivia spoke slowly, but quite clearly. "El…if you don't quit squeezing my hand so hard…I'm gonna smack you."

The room erupted in laughter and chuckles and tears. Olivia is still there. And she will be just fine.

Elliot is doing all he can to not lose it and Cragen nods to the others and they say their well wishes and goodbyes.

Her eyes fluttered open a time or two and she gave them all a smile. "Guys…I-I love you…all of you."

If she could have held her eyes open she would have seen the four grown men at her bedside wiping tears away while trying to seem stoic and unaffected by her proclamation. They assured her of their love for her and headed out.

Fin stopped and came back. He looked from Elliot to Olivia and back before he reached in his coat and pulled out the spiral notebook.

"EMTs found this in Livia's hands before they pulled her out of the car." He handed it to Elliot.

Elliot's blue eyes met Fin's brown as he took the notebook and opened it. When he realized what it was, he looked up at Fin once more. Fin patted Elliot's shoulder, nodded once and was gone.

He read the first entry with tears pouring down his face. When he finished he looked at Olivia to find she was sound asleep. The doctor had told them she would be exhausted and need a lot of rest. He stood and watched her sleep. Her face was pink now, her lips warm as he gently brushed them with his. "I love you, Liv. I love you so much," he whispered and felt her hand tighten around his.

He sat back down and began reading the entries. '_Elliot, are you praying for me? Will your God even listen?' _At the sight of the blurred words and lines, he knew it was where her tear had fallen. As he traced it with his finger, he had no control over the sob that tore from his throat. Through his tears he thanked God, for answering his prayers.

Getting a hold of his emotions, he started reading again._ '…if…I'm gone…El…it is _**not**_ your fault. You hear me? Not your fault. So, snap out of it, Stabler! ' _Her life was hanging in the balance and yet she still thought about him and she knew he would somehow blame himself for her death and she was determined to spare him that. He wiped his swollen eyes again.

He continued reading. '_You have given me the best three months of my life and I can't tell you what it has meant to me.' _Just wait until you are better, he thought. The last three months will pale in comparison to the future I have planned for you and me, Olivia. Just wait.

'_I love you…El, I love you so completely, so deeply. I've never been loved or felt love like I have with you. Thank you for giving that experience to me, Elliot. You have all my love always ~ Liv. _"You have all my love always, too, Liv. Always." He had fought the ongoing tears until he could no longer hold back the sobs.

Elliot's weeping stirred Olivia to consciousness. He held his head in his hands as he leaned into the mattress. Slowly, she was able to stretch out her hand and run it over his head. "Shh…shh…El…" she comforted him as she tried to pull him to her.

Realizing she wanted him closer, he stood, wiping his face with the left sleeve of shirt and grasping her hand with his as she continued to pull at him.

"El…I know it won't be…uh…comfortable under these conditions, but…I…need you to hold me…I want you beside me…holding me."

"I'm right here, Liv, right here," he sniffled and leaned closer to her trying to hold her.

"No…no. I need you to lay here with me. I need to feel your body next to me," she tried to move over to make room for him.

Nodding, he carefully climbed into bed beside her, wrapped his arms around her as she used her left leg to pull him even closer.

"El?"

"Hmmm?"

"Merry Christmas," she murmured as she place a light kiss in the crook of his neck.

Weaving his hand through her hair, he kissed the top of her head. "Merry Christmas, Liv. Best one I've ever had cause I got all I need and want right here in my arms."

She was quiet for so long he thought she had dozed off again. Finally, he felt her shift beside him and take a deep breath.

"Elliot…have I…have I told you I love you?" she asked as she snuggled into him.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he answered, "Uh…no…no…you haven't."

"Hmmm…yes, I have," she stated firmly.

"No…I'd remember," His voice cracked again.

"Yes, I have," she argued.

"Yeah? When?" He was amused at the exchange of words.

"I told you I'd give you a kidney," she mumbled.

He felt her smile. "Well, what about that? I love you, too," he whispered in her ear and leaned down as she turned her face up to meet his for a kiss.

They had been together for three months. Three of the best months of his life. Of her life, too, he now knew. He loved her. He knew she loved him. Yet, they had never said the words out loud. They had never said a lot of words out loud, but it never really mattered, because they knew. They just knew.

In reality, they had been together for eleven years. Every cup of coffee or tea they brought the other said 'I love you'; it was in each look of understanding, each word of support after a bad case; a hand on a shoulder or arm, a hug after an accident; it was in their jealousy and protectiveness over the other; it flowed through them even in their anger and fights and betrayals and distance; and it always brought them back to each other almost as if by destiny.

Smiling, he finally understood that they had said 'I love you' in thousands of ways thousands of times over the years. He hugged her tighter as he closed his eyes. Just as he drifted off, he felt her stir next to him and then press her lips to his cheek.

"El, I love you, too."

What a Christmas gift – Olivia given back to him. The future open for building their relationship, testing it, taking it where they had never gone with it.

There was a lot to thank God for and a lot to be said for destiny. Divine destiny.

eoeoeoeo

**NOTE: For those of you in the Northeast who have been pummeled yet again with winters' fury, I pray that you are safe and will make wise decisions when you do get out. If you live in or travel through areas that get a lot of snow, please read and learn about how to survive if you are caught in a snowstorm. It is possible if you are prepared and know what to do and not do. " ) Bensler**


	6. Dreams

**Conditions**

**By Bensler**

**Chapter 6 ~ Dreams**

**Stabler Residence - Friday, Christmas Eve, December 24, 2010 – 10:55 a.m.**

_4:07 a.m. Stuck in a snowstorm, alone, wishing I had made it home to you._ - Thank God you did.

_4:15 a.m. You are incredible, the connection we have…it's like it was ordained that we be together. You and me. Us. E and O. Benson and Stabler. Always and forever. ~ O_ - Forever and Day, Liv. Forever and a day.

_4:31 a.m. I'm trusting in your prayers and that your God will listen and have mercy, if not for me, then for you and He will let me live. - _ He _did_ listen, Olivia, and He showed mercy. I will be forever grateful for His graciousness.

_You have all my love always ~ Liv _ - And you, mine, baby.

Elliot closed the spiral notebook in his lap, laid his hand on top of the slick red cover. Stifling a sob he leaned his head back on the tan leather recliner and tried to blink away the tears leaking from his eyes. His mind was assaulted by the memories of a year ago; his stomach still roiled and heart still clenched at the thoughts and how very close he came to losing Olivia. And just when they had finally found one another.

Last Christmas Eve he had been in an unqualified turmoil. Olivia had driven her rental car into a snow bank during a blizzard. Her cell phone had died before 911 could locate her position by the phone's GPS and though they had an idea of where she might have been and several search teams looking for her time had nearly run out. For those hours when he had not known whether she was alive or dead, he had no idea how he had preserved his sanity. What he _had_ known was he would not be able to live without her. If he could not share life with her then it would merely be a barren existence, void of anything that mattered.

**Stabler Residence - Friday, Christmas Eve, December 24, 2010 – 7:42 a.m.**

Olivia awakened Elliot by placing soft, warm kisses in a trail from his shoulder to his jaw to his lips. When he finally stirred, he flipped her over returned the kiss then started tickling her. After several minutes of wrestling, she kissed him, wiggled away and rolled off the bed.

"Hey! Where you going?" he asked in confusion.

She grinned at him and waggled her eyebrows. "Shower."

"And I thought I was getting lucky," he whined and fell back onto the bed.

"Remember Kathy is dropping Eli off at eight-thirty," she told him as she pointed to the alarm clock, "barely forty-five minutes from now.

"Aaagh, I forgot," he groaned, not at the prospect of seeing his son, but because it foiled his plans for a leisurely morning in bed with Olivia.

"Hey." Olivia smiled over her shoulder as she entered the bathroom. "You can _still_ get lucky, Mr. Stabler,

"Yeah?" He jumped up from the bed to follow her.

"If we shower together, it will take less time _and_ save water," she said with a serious tone.

"I'm _all_ for saving water, Mrs. Stabler." He wrapped his arms around her and closed the bathroom door behind them.

Kathy arrived right on time. Olivia let Eli help make pancakes while Elliot wrapped a couple of gifts he had bought yesterday. After they ate breakfast, Olivia headed out to do some last minute shopping.

"I'll be back around 12:30. You want me to bring something for lunch?" she asked as she put on her coat and hat.

"Sure." Elliot nodded and ruffled Eli's hair. "What you want for lunch, buddy?"

"Happy hamburgler meal!" Eli cried out, a grin splitting his face as he jumped up and down.

"Then happy hamburgler meal it is," Olivia told him and kneeled down for a hug.

"And get the boy toy, not the girl toy," Eli reminded her.

Elliot and Olivia laughed. "Got it. Boy toy," Olivia stood up and winked at Elliot.

She pulled him close to kiss him and whispered in his ear, "I like boy toys, too."

"Mmmm…hmmm..." Elliot kissed her this time then turned her toward the door. "Boy toy. Singular. Get on out of here or we're gonna have to save some more water before you leave."

Smiling, she put her gloves on and left. Elliot watched her walk to the driveway, get into her SUV then back out of the drive. Stopping briefly, she blew the horn and waved at him as she pulled away. He waved back and thought to himself how much he loved Olivia Benson Stabler and what a lucky man he was.

Elliot scooped Eli up and swung him around. "Hey, buddy, you want to take the sled to the park?"

"Uh-huh! Can I ride it by myself?" Eli asked as he wrapped his arms around Elliot's neck. "I'm a big boy, now, Daddy."

"I think you might just be big enough this year. Go get your coat."

**Neighborhood Park - Friday, Christmas Eve, December 24, 2010 – 9:55 a.m.**

Elliot was laughing as Eli steered the sled down the slight hill and came to a gentle stop. He was so proud of that kid. It was a perfect day for him to learn to sled by himself because there weren't many people in the park - probably a combination of it being Christmas Eve day and because it was cold and overcast. It had snowed last weekend and there was still enough on the ground to have fun. It was forecast to snow again later that day so they would have a fresh white Christmas.

Time and time again, Elliot ran the sled to the top of the hill then ran back down so he could catch Eli if he got out of control. Each trip up the hill, Eli tried hard to keep up with his daddy. Up and down the hill they went for nearly an hour before Eli asked to go to the big hill to ride with Elliot.

After thirty minutes on the big hill, one that was much steeper and longer, Elliot told Eli this run would be the last one. He got them both situated on the sled then pushed off with Eli safely snuggled between his arms as Elliot held the rope to steer the sled. Eli squealed with sheer delight as they rocketed down the hill. Before they got to bottom, Elliot purposely jerked the sled hard to the right making them both tumble off into the soft snow. As they fell he grabbed Eli and began rolling with him to the end of the hill, the two laughing and shouting.

"Alright, son. Your old man is worn out. Let's head back to the house. Liv will be back with lunch soon." Elliot stood Eli upright and grabbed the sled.

**Stabler Residence - Friday, Christmas Eve, December 24, 2010 – 11:45 a.m.**

Eli settled in front of the television to watch cartoons while Elliot fixed hot cocoa for them. He gave Eli a cup and sat in the recliner nearby sipping on his chocolate and watching his son. He loved that boy - and all his kids - so very much. It wasn't long before Eli fell asleep. Elliot took the throw from the couch and put it over the exhausted child.

As he started to sit down again, he noticed the edge of the spiral notebook nearly buried by magazines on the shelf beneath the table top. His breath caught in his chest as he bent to pull it out. He stared at it for a long time as he ran his fingers along the metal wire binding it together. Finally, he opened it.

As he read through the entries Olivia had made it was as though he were thrust back in time. The thoughts, the fear, the sheer panic all came rushing back. He felt nauseated just thinking how close he had come to losing her. When he finished reading every last line she had written, he closed the notebook and let go of his emotions – a mixture of grief over what could have happened and gratefulness over what the two of them now shared. His tears finally stopped and he nodded off, exhausted emotionally from the memories and physically from the time spent sledding with Eli.

**Stabler Residence - Friday, Christmas Eve, December 24, 2010 – 12:38 p.m.**

Olivia opened the door to find Elliot and Eli both sound asleep. She took the few bags from various department stores to the bedroom then took the sack of hamburgers and fries to the kitchen. She returned to the great room and smiled down at Elliot. Noticing the spiral notebook, she frowned. Upon a closer look at Elliot, she saw the faint track of tears on one cheek and knew it was _the_ notebook as she reached for it. Just as she began to pull it from under Elliot's hand, he awoke and gently grabbed her wrist to ring her down for a kiss.

"Hey, babe."

"Hey."

He took the notebook from her and set it on the table then pulled her into his lap. "You take care of all your errands?"

"Mmmm…yeah," she said as he nuzzled her neck. "You get a good nap?"

"Eli wore me out on the sled. Let him ride alone, too."

"Really? I bet he had a blast."

"Sure did. Wore him out, too."

"You've been reading while I was gone?" She tipped her head toward the notebook.

Elliot's eyes narrowed as he searched her face. His teeth found his lower lip and he nodded.

"Why do you keep doing that, El?" she said with a heavy sigh.

"Keep doing what?" He closed his eyes and leaned back against the chair.

"Torturing yourself with what _could_ have happened." She put her hands on each side of his face and made him look at her. She knew he had dreams about last year. Or rather, nightmares. In all honestly, so did she - she just didn't tell him.

"I'm not torturing myself with what could have happened, Liv; I'm just reminding myself that life is a vapor; it could change or disappear in the blink of an eye. And I don't ever want to forget that…I don't ever want to forget how fortunate I am to have you; to love you; and that you love me," he explained quietly. "I don't ever want to take for granted what we have. Is that so wrong?"

While she tried to think of how to answer, she simply stared at him. Elliot had a hard time expressing his feelings but when he finally did it was usually done so profoundly it threw her off guard and left her drowning in his emotions as well as the ones his words released within her.

"No. It's not wrong at all. I just don't want you to get caught up in the past or in guilt because there was nothing you could do." She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head against his chest.

"I'm not. I promise."

"Okay, I believe you."

"Just promise me you will never, ever go out in a snow storm – or even if there is a hint of one – ever again." He took hold of her shoulders and pulled her away from him so he could look into her eyes. "I couldn't take losing you, Olivia."

"I'm not going out in a snow storm – _ever_ again. So, you're kind of stuck with me, Stabler," she smiled and arched her right eyebrow.

"Good. I want to be stuck with you." He leaned down to kiss her nose.

"'Livia, I'm hungry," Eli said as he took Olivia's hand and tried to pull her up from Elliot's lap.

"I bet you are, big guy. You have to tell me all about your sledding adventure while we eat," she got up and let Eli lead her to the kitchen.

"Okay! Come on, Daddy! Let's eat!" Eli looked over his shoulder at Elliot.

Olivia did the same. "Yeah, come on, _Daddy_." She smiled more to herself than at her husband.

They spent the day baking cookies, wrapping the rest of the Christmas gifts and playing with Eli. That evening all of Elliot's kids came by for a light supper then exchanged gifts with Elliot and Olivia. They took Eli with them, leaving Elliot and Olivia alone for the first time that day.

They finished putting up leftovers and Elliot took all the wrappings and boxes from the gifts to the outside trash. He stood on the front porch for a moment watching the snow float silently to the ground, thankful the kids didn't have far to go to Kathy's because it was snowing harder now than when they left thirty minutes ago. He had been around snow all his life and never given it much thought. Now, it made him worry and fret.

Olivia came to the door then stepped out to wrap her arms around him from behind. "It's cold out here. Come in."

He pulled her around and enveloped her inside his coat, his hands warming hers. "It's beautiful, isn't it? The snow."

"Yes, it is. " She took a deep breath of the cold air.

"How can something so beautiful hold such danger?"

"Elliot…don't," she pleaded.

"I'm sorry. I just…I can't…I can't get it out of my mind, Olivia. This time last year you were lost in a blizzard and I didn't know if I would ever see you alive again. Do you have any idea what that did to me?"

"Yes, I do…because I was going through the same thing, El! I couldn't believe I was going to die and leave you. I mean we had just gotten together. I finally was able to be with the man I love and I was going to screw it all up by dying. And all because I made a foolish decision." She sniffled and wiped at her eyes and he knew she was near tears.

"Shh…shh...Liv, it wasn't your fault."

"And it wasn't yours either. It was just something that happened but it all turned out good, right?"

"It turned out more than right. You know what? We shouldn't dwell on all that happened. We should be thankful it all turned out well and we have each other and that's all we need."

"That's _all_ we need?"

"Olivia, as long I have you, I don't need anyone or anything else."

"_No_ one else?"

"No one. Only you."

She nodded and pulled him into the house. He followed, stopping to remove his coat and hang it on the rack by the door. When he entered the great room Olivia was kneeling in front of the Christmas tree and holding a gift wrapped in gold and tied with a yellow ribbon.

"What's that?" he asked as he knelt beside her. They had already exchanged gifts so he was a bit puzzled.

She turned the gift over and over in her hand but did not answer him.

"Liv?"

Looking over at him briefly before she looked back down at the gift, she fingered the ribbon. She turned and silently handed him the gift and brushed tears from her eyes.

"Olivia," he said with a deep concern as he reached out for her.

She scooted away which distressed him more.

"It's…it's for you," she whispered.

He watched her for a moment then slowly untied the ribbon. The box was not large, perhaps six inches long, two inches wide and an inch deep. He looked up at Olivia and she looked away.

"Liv?" What was wrong with her, he wondered?

"Just open it."

She sounded upset and he couldn't understand why.

Carefully, he tore the paper from the box then took the lid off. He pulled the thin layer of tissue paper away. Olivia couldn't help it. She had to see his reaction. Her eyes locked on him and she held her breath.

Elliot fell back so he was sitting on his heels. His mouth was slack and his eyes wide. "Liv?"

He was upset. She knew he would be. "I'm…I'm sorry." Her voice was weak with tears.

"Sorry?" he asked incredulously. "Sorry? Oh, my God, Olivia." He reached over, grabbed her, hugged her to him and kissed her face, her eyes, her nose, her lips. "Olivia, you have made me the happiest man on earth!"

"I have?" she asked in disbelief. "But you said you didn't…you didn't need anyone…"

"Olivia! Are you _crazy_? You think I would be upset over _this_? Oh, sweetheart! I love you so much! And I am thrilled!" He had tears streaming down his face as he kissed her again and again.

Olivia was so relieved she burst into tears. Elliot had his arms around her and held the box toward her. She reached out a shaky hand then they held it together. He stared at the long stick with two prominent blue lines and grinned.

"So I guess you could say you've got this _condition_, huh?"

She started laughing and so did he.

"Liv, this is one of my biggest dreams come true." He tightened his arms around her.

"Just what the world needs, huh? One more Stabler."

"At _least_ one more," Elliot agreed.

Olivia's head snapped up and their laughter echoed through the house.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~

If you live in or travel through areas that get a lot of snow, please read and learn about how to survive if you are caught in a snowstorm. It is possible if you are prepared and know what to do and not do. " ) Bensler

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